


Whumptober 2019 - 14 - Tear-stained

by OllieCollie



Series: Whumptober 2019 [14]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Whump, Gen, Tear-stained, author still isn't over the premiere, basically all the feels, one year anniversary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 16:34:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21039317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OllieCollie/pseuds/OllieCollie
Summary: A whole year, man…" He crouched in front of the memorial, hand tracing over the plaque in the front. "Feels like an eternity."





	Whumptober 2019 - 14 - Tear-stained

**Author's Note:**

> I'm literally still crying about the season 8 premiere. (Spoilers ahead if you haven't watched.) 
> 
> I do love this story in all of it's emotional whumpness. Share your thoughts; let me know what you think! Who misses Otis as much as I do?

One year.

Three hundred and sixty-five days.

And yet…it still hurt. 

The pain was just as fresh as if it had happened yesterday.

It had been a hard day for all of them, he knew. 

And yet they'd all gone out of their way to be there for him.

Nobody had spoken when he'd gotten tired of the pitied looks that kept getting thrown in his direction and snapped at Herrmann. Nobody questioned when he had to rush out of the room to compose himself because the tears had begun to well up unexpectedly.

Boden had asked him if he wanted to take the day off, but he'd politely declined. The last thing he wanted was to spend the day alone at home with only his thoughts to occupy him.

It was late when Cruz slipped out of the bunk room and wandered out into the cool night air.

There was no way he was sleeping, not tonight. So many thoughts and memories were swirling through his mind. He tried to focus on the good ones. 

_ "Hey, Otis! Baba said to stop leaving your dirty laundry on the  _ kitchen _ counter, or she'll wash your whites with the reds!" _

_ "Cruz, you don't even speak Russian. How do you know what she said?" _

_ "Oh, trust me, I don't have to speak Russian to understand what she meant. The look in her eyes was enough." _

Cruz huffed, a tiny smile forming on his lips. There was never a dull moment with Otis; that much was certain.

_ "Hey, Joe, watch this!" _

_ "Otis, what on earth are you doing?"  _

_ The dark-haired man shot him a grin and hopped into the shopping cart. "Come on, push me." _

_ "What?" Cruz glanced around, hoping no one was seeing this. "Otis, I am not going to push you around in a shopping cart. How old are you again?" _

_ But Otis waved him off. "Stop being an old man. You only live once. And today, you're pushing me in this buggy." _

_ Cruz rolled his eyes and heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Fine," he groaned. "But under no circumstances is anyone at 51 hearing about this. Got it?" _

Cruz shook his head, slowing to a stop in front of the monument—Otis's memorial. 

"A whole year, man…" He crouched in front of the memorial, hand tracing over the plaque in the front. "Feels like an eternity."

He glanced back at the firehouse. "Nothing's the same without you. A lot has changed. Can you believe Trudy bought your share of Molly's? I swear, she comes up with worse ideas than you did." He paused for a moment. "The guy who took your spot on truck...you'd be proud of him. He's a good kid."

Silence reigned, only interrupted by the occasional passing car or cricket chirp.

"Otis, I miss you so much." It came out in more a choked whisper than he'd meant. Despite his best attempt to ignore the painful memories, they came rushing back with a vengeance.

_ "Where's Otis? Otis!" _

Nothing could describe how absolutely terrified he'd been when they'd found the downed firefighter. How had he'd gotten left behind? They'd been so close...nearly home-free. And then…

The sound of a door slamming echoed in his ears. Everything had been so chaotic, he hadn't even realized Otis wasn't with them. And then it was too late.

_ " _ брат, я буду с тобой всегда. _ " Brother, I will be with you always. _

Cruz didn't even realize he was crying until a hand gently touched his shaking shoulders. He didn't look up to see who it was. Sobs wracked his body as his hands clung to either side of the memorial. The pain in his heart dug too deep to describe. It just  _ hurt. _

_ Brother, I will be with you always.  _ Otis was his brother, his goofy, prank-loving, full-of-crazy-ideas little brother. They would have and  _ had  _ done anything for each other. They always had each other's backs. Cruz  _ missed _ him. He gasped in a breath between sobs.

"I know, bud. I know." The voice was soft and understanding. If anyone could relate to what Cruz was feeling, it was Severide. He had lost Shay all those years ago…

"Does...does it ever get any—easier?" he choked out, lifting his tear-stained face to meet Severide's sympathy-filled eyes. Cruz bit his lip, already knowing the answer but hoping that maybe he'd get a different one.

His lieutenant let out a soft sigh. "It's not as raw after a while. You lock it away, but it's always there. You don't forget." 

Cruz swallowed, trying to compose himself. 

"It's hard to move on," Severide continued. "Some days you just want to punch something."

Cruz almost snorted. He wasn't wrong.

"The firsts...they're always the hardest." 

It was true. He'd barely made it through Christmas...Otis's birthday...the anniversary of Molly's opening. And now, the first anniversary of that dreadful day. 

"I know it hurts, Cruz. But we've made it a year." Severide squeezed his shoulder in silent comfort. "Just keep leaning on each other. That's the only way we make it through."

Cruz nodded, brushing a big hand over his tear-streaked cheeks. He gently pressed his fingers against the letters of the memorial one last time and then pushed to his feet. "Thanks, man," he muttered, head down. 

Severide gave him a grim smile and clapped him on the back. 

Yes, the loss of their brother had left a hole in his heart that would never heal. But despite the tragic loss they'd suffered a year ago, the firehouse had come together and grown closer as a family. With the support of each other, they'd press on.


End file.
